Haha! I love this so much, Norm! These post-death considerations are all admirable, delightful, and honestly better than most peoples' incredibly boring plans for their bodies after they're done breathing and doing all that life stuff. Obviously, *all* of these cannot be accomplished without some adaptations. As your self-appointed personal death planning concierge, I would like to review some amendments/adaptations/suggestions.
1. The Permanent Bronzer
This is a delightful idea and reminds me of the auto-icon of the 'father of utilitarianism' Jeremy Bentham. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/bentham-project/about-jeremy-bentham/auto-icon - This link is well worth the read and even has an excerpt of Mr Bentham's will wherein he bequeathed his body to a fellow professor and requested it be preserved sitting down so that he could be wheeled out of storage when his friends had parties. Death be damned, he didn't want to miss a thing.
Casting in bronze would give you an advantage over Mr Bentham, as his head was unfortunately removed by vandals several times (to be held ransom, and role-playing as the ball in a game of soccer).
Technical concerns about bronze: Your body would continue to decompose under the metal casting, bacteria from decomposition would cause pressure to build and your entire statue might explode, turning a fun afternoon of "sprinkler time with the General" into a WWI shrapnel-style family tragedy. Not the best way to leave a lasting impression with family members.
Adaptation suggestion: Have a bronze statue created, call it The General, but don't actually encase your body. This not only makes it easier for the engineer/artist to create a beautiful lawn decoration, but also allows the other things to ALSO happen. If you are cremated, you can actually request that your remains (all or part) be encased inside. Coolest urn ever?
2. Ink-credibly Post-Mortem - YES to preserving your skin. In fact, why stop at framed wall art? Why not a book bound in your skin? History has seen many - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_books_bound_in_human_skin - You are a writer, after all, why not have your memoir printed and be bound in your skin?
3. Talking Tombstones - LOVE this. Yes. Record all the things. Set up a QR code. Have it randomly go through various funny/sweet/memorable recordings, AND the all-time-best Norm's Playlist to boot. If you're cremated (see point 4) this is a perfect thing to put on the urn, or a QR code on your statue's shirt pocket?
4. Rest in Beats - you'll need ashes for this, meaning aquamation or cremation. (Aquamation will keep it much whiter/prettier.) But yes, absolutely. Make a custom vinyl. Love it.
To sum up, here is my suggested amended plan for your consideration:
1. Record voice with funny quips about dust/ashes/death/etc. Set up a QR code to randomly play these. Plan to have QR code on the urn.
2. Pose for bronze statue. Planning for this now allows you more control over the artistry/look/function of the memorial. Leave a hollow part inside where ashes can be added at a later date.
3. Upon death, remove and preserve skin, frame the ink and tan the rest to bind your memoir.
4. Cremate skinless husk and use ashes for records, urn, memorial jewelry, sprinkling on toast, etc.
I love ALL these adaptations! I'm jealous I didn't think of a book bound in human skin. And my memoirs no less. In fact, Jen, this sounds like the beginning of a collaboration/business venture. Instead of Book of the Dead, maybe Books of Your Dead, brought to you by Jen and Norm. Probably a Fortune 500-caliber startup.
I had to look up aquamation. My mom will definitely have to go this route if she's hourglass-bound.
Thanks for this, Jen. I mean, my wife isn't going to have a leg to stand on after I fold these ideas into the trust. Well, she will have a leg, until she's aquamated in, like, 70 more years.
So good. So funny.
A million thanks!
Haha! I love this so much, Norm! These post-death considerations are all admirable, delightful, and honestly better than most peoples' incredibly boring plans for their bodies after they're done breathing and doing all that life stuff. Obviously, *all* of these cannot be accomplished without some adaptations. As your self-appointed personal death planning concierge, I would like to review some amendments/adaptations/suggestions.
1. The Permanent Bronzer
This is a delightful idea and reminds me of the auto-icon of the 'father of utilitarianism' Jeremy Bentham. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/bentham-project/about-jeremy-bentham/auto-icon - This link is well worth the read and even has an excerpt of Mr Bentham's will wherein he bequeathed his body to a fellow professor and requested it be preserved sitting down so that he could be wheeled out of storage when his friends had parties. Death be damned, he didn't want to miss a thing.
Casting in bronze would give you an advantage over Mr Bentham, as his head was unfortunately removed by vandals several times (to be held ransom, and role-playing as the ball in a game of soccer).
Technical concerns about bronze: Your body would continue to decompose under the metal casting, bacteria from decomposition would cause pressure to build and your entire statue might explode, turning a fun afternoon of "sprinkler time with the General" into a WWI shrapnel-style family tragedy. Not the best way to leave a lasting impression with family members.
Adaptation suggestion: Have a bronze statue created, call it The General, but don't actually encase your body. This not only makes it easier for the engineer/artist to create a beautiful lawn decoration, but also allows the other things to ALSO happen. If you are cremated, you can actually request that your remains (all or part) be encased inside. Coolest urn ever?
2. Ink-credibly Post-Mortem - YES to preserving your skin. In fact, why stop at framed wall art? Why not a book bound in your skin? History has seen many - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_books_bound_in_human_skin - You are a writer, after all, why not have your memoir printed and be bound in your skin?
3. Talking Tombstones - LOVE this. Yes. Record all the things. Set up a QR code. Have it randomly go through various funny/sweet/memorable recordings, AND the all-time-best Norm's Playlist to boot. If you're cremated (see point 4) this is a perfect thing to put on the urn, or a QR code on your statue's shirt pocket?
4. Rest in Beats - you'll need ashes for this, meaning aquamation or cremation. (Aquamation will keep it much whiter/prettier.) But yes, absolutely. Make a custom vinyl. Love it.
To sum up, here is my suggested amended plan for your consideration:
1. Record voice with funny quips about dust/ashes/death/etc. Set up a QR code to randomly play these. Plan to have QR code on the urn.
2. Pose for bronze statue. Planning for this now allows you more control over the artistry/look/function of the memorial. Leave a hollow part inside where ashes can be added at a later date.
3. Upon death, remove and preserve skin, frame the ink and tan the rest to bind your memoir.
4. Cremate skinless husk and use ashes for records, urn, memorial jewelry, sprinkling on toast, etc.
And finally...sorry Becky.
I love ALL these adaptations! I'm jealous I didn't think of a book bound in human skin. And my memoirs no less. In fact, Jen, this sounds like the beginning of a collaboration/business venture. Instead of Book of the Dead, maybe Books of Your Dead, brought to you by Jen and Norm. Probably a Fortune 500-caliber startup.
I had to look up aquamation. My mom will definitely have to go this route if she's hourglass-bound.
Thanks for this, Jen. I mean, my wife isn't going to have a leg to stand on after I fold these ideas into the trust. Well, she will have a leg, until she's aquamated in, like, 70 more years.
🖤☠️ This is good!! My husband wants to be buried whole, with an oak tree seed in his mouth. .. that’s a visual I can never unsee 🤣
Better in his mouth than other places it could be stowed, I suppose.
Ha!! Loved this!! Reid wants to be flushed!! 🤷♀️
My mom, who is pathologically late, wants her ashes put in an hour glass so that she’ll be forever on time.