Kind of glad I'm female and never had to endure urinal hell.
I do know what you mean about the things we endure for our kids though.
My oldest likes cars. Actually that's not true. My oldest lives, breathes and likely dreams about cars. He taught himself to read at 2 1/2 by looking at car ads.At 3 1/2 he could tell you the year, make and model of every car on the road. Driving with him was an experience as he'd suddenly yell out, 'pull over, pull over. There's a car I have to look at.' My husband started taking him to the NYC auto show at age 5 (Mind you, my husband's knowledge of cars was that they had tires, a hood, a trunk and a motor.) My oldest is a grown up now. He currently owns a Honda Beat. (Don't know what that is? Didn't expect you to, lol).
He's expecting his first kid in just a few weeks. I've teased him about what is he going to do if the child hates cars. 'Return it,' he said with a grin. But the truth is, if his little one develops an obsession with something, I know he and his wife are going to nurture it and encourage it because that's how he grew up. And honestly, it worked out wonderfully.
Your husband and I have a similar depth of expertise as it pertains to automobiles. And I know exactly what you mean about the nurturing and encouraging. I knew almost nothing about volleyball, and now because my daughter plays, I can talk about kills and digs and running the slide and landing a pancake. Having kids is like getting a second everything, a second set of eyes, a second soul, a second heart... :)
It seems fitting that the Forum has bathrooms four levels down. If we assume the logic of Dante's Inferno to be accurate, and according to your description and my personal experience in the Forum in 2019, we can equate the main level to Limbo, or the first circle of hell. Four levels down would bring us to Wrath...in the swampy, stinking waters of the river Styx. Seems appropriate.
I'm glad that you & Sam survived the encounter and weren't seized by any wrathful souls and held forever in slimy, murky depths of a public restroom within the fifth circle of hell in the LA Forum.
So many levels I missed here... I need to brush up on my Dante. Related, my thesis screenplay at Chapman was described by one of my committee members as Stygian, which I accepted as a badge of honor. ;)
I never rushed a fraternity, but I've heard stories from my brother-in-law, and there's a better-than-even chance the next pandemic originates in the bathroom of a D-1 frat house.
Good grief. I went to a college that didn't allow sororities or fraternities. There was only 2000 of us and I thought it was a smart choice. Especially later when I was at university and had to walk down frat row. An experience I could have done without.
Dimwitted behavior is the charitable description. It's funny now-- especially when I recall I was ten years older than these charmers. Such is life :D
Good lord, am I the only person that has performance anxiety when you post up to a urinal? There’s that 6-10 seconds where you’re transitioning from the “I’m standin’ here with my dork in my hand” to the flow. This is the most dangerous window wherein if someone posts up next to you into your comfort zone, flow can’t start. Then you’re standing there pretending to flow, scared the person next to you can hear you ‘not’ flowing and realizing you’re some kind of freak just standing there with your dork in your hand. Then you have to flush to cover the not flowing problem, two shake to ensure everyone sees your required arm movement, wash hands, and head out…with a full bladder. 🤦♂️.
It’s like you wrote my unauthorized biography. Those same thoughts go through my mind. I’ll put on a whole mime performance to make sure the guy beside me doesn’t get any wrong (or right, or really any) ideas.
Also, extra credit on this comment for the Johnny Dangerously reference. If anyone perusing hasn’t seen it, do yourself a favor. It’s worth it, if only for Joe Piscopo.
"It was a fart that was trying to say something, maybe even start something." One of my all-time favorite lines. Should go in Bartlett's Quotations.
I'd like to take full credit, but I'm afraid I'd hear from the lawyers of that fart, and I'm certain it had a team of them.
Only Becky can look gorgeous with a child clinging to her ass. Parenting in heels should be an Olympic sport.
Agreed on both fronts.
Kind of glad I'm female and never had to endure urinal hell.
I do know what you mean about the things we endure for our kids though.
My oldest likes cars. Actually that's not true. My oldest lives, breathes and likely dreams about cars. He taught himself to read at 2 1/2 by looking at car ads.At 3 1/2 he could tell you the year, make and model of every car on the road. Driving with him was an experience as he'd suddenly yell out, 'pull over, pull over. There's a car I have to look at.' My husband started taking him to the NYC auto show at age 5 (Mind you, my husband's knowledge of cars was that they had tires, a hood, a trunk and a motor.) My oldest is a grown up now. He currently owns a Honda Beat. (Don't know what that is? Didn't expect you to, lol).
He's expecting his first kid in just a few weeks. I've teased him about what is he going to do if the child hates cars. 'Return it,' he said with a grin. But the truth is, if his little one develops an obsession with something, I know he and his wife are going to nurture it and encourage it because that's how he grew up. And honestly, it worked out wonderfully.
Your husband and I have a similar depth of expertise as it pertains to automobiles. And I know exactly what you mean about the nurturing and encouraging. I knew almost nothing about volleyball, and now because my daughter plays, I can talk about kills and digs and running the slide and landing a pancake. Having kids is like getting a second everything, a second set of eyes, a second soul, a second heart... :)
You missed the old LA Coliseum. It would have taken you to new depths.
New depths. Well said. My memories of the LA Coliseum come from Kurt Russel in Escape from LA. ;)
It seems fitting that the Forum has bathrooms four levels down. If we assume the logic of Dante's Inferno to be accurate, and according to your description and my personal experience in the Forum in 2019, we can equate the main level to Limbo, or the first circle of hell. Four levels down would bring us to Wrath...in the swampy, stinking waters of the river Styx. Seems appropriate.
I'm glad that you & Sam survived the encounter and weren't seized by any wrathful souls and held forever in slimy, murky depths of a public restroom within the fifth circle of hell in the LA Forum.
So many levels I missed here... I need to brush up on my Dante. Related, my thesis screenplay at Chapman was described by one of my committee members as Stygian, which I accepted as a badge of honor. ;)
Great monologue Norm. A subject that everyone has issues with.
My goal is to write for the whole family. ;)
Wowza! Reminded me of the sign we put up in the dorm bathroom; "We aim to please. You aim too, please"
Great piece, thanks very, very much
I never rushed a fraternity, but I've heard stories from my brother-in-law, and there's a better-than-even chance the next pandemic originates in the bathroom of a D-1 frat house.
Good grief. I went to a college that didn't allow sororities or fraternities. There was only 2000 of us and I thought it was a smart choice. Especially later when I was at university and had to walk down frat row. An experience I could have done without.
Dimwitted behavior is the charitable description. It's funny now-- especially when I recall I was ten years older than these charmers. Such is life :D
Hilarious, Notm! You did it again! I can’t believe there’s still a trough urinal in some places!🤣😩😤
Yeah, they're sort of like ancient members of Congress--you can't believe they're still there stinking up the joint.
Good lord, am I the only person that has performance anxiety when you post up to a urinal? There’s that 6-10 seconds where you’re transitioning from the “I’m standin’ here with my dork in my hand” to the flow. This is the most dangerous window wherein if someone posts up next to you into your comfort zone, flow can’t start. Then you’re standing there pretending to flow, scared the person next to you can hear you ‘not’ flowing and realizing you’re some kind of freak just standing there with your dork in your hand. Then you have to flush to cover the not flowing problem, two shake to ensure everyone sees your required arm movement, wash hands, and head out…with a full bladder. 🤦♂️.
It’s like you wrote my unauthorized biography. Those same thoughts go through my mind. I’ll put on a whole mime performance to make sure the guy beside me doesn’t get any wrong (or right, or really any) ideas.
Also, extra credit on this comment for the Johnny Dangerously reference. If anyone perusing hasn’t seen it, do yourself a favor. It’s worth it, if only for Joe Piscopo.