I don’t know how jealous your wife could be, she had you knocking boots with Betty White. She could’ve at least hooked you up with someone whose hip you wouldn’t break.
I had a dream the other night I was sitting at a table with Billy Idol. He was reading the paper. I was basically ignoring him. Apparently we were married.
The broken hip comment reminded me of a Betty White joke: "Why do people say, ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things really take a pounding!”
The Billy Idol dream feels like a scene from a David Lynch movie.
The dream was I was sitting at the table with my transistor radio and a Billy Idol song came on. I hear a masculine chuckle and look up to see Billy reading the paper. I say, "Ha that's funny" and go back to what I was doing. Then another Billy Idol song comes on, and I tell him, "You're lucky I like Billy Idol or I'd change the station."... we're definitely married.
That's a high-stakes proposition. Sure, you might end up married to John Prine or Tom Waits, but it could go sideways. You could be sitting across from Marilyn Manson or one of those dudes from Insane Clown Posse.
No matter how much we tell them we love them, they need to test us. Whenever I go to my office in the morning, the door to which I left closed, and the door is open, I know she 's been going through my internet to find incriminating evidence. Even when she finds nothing, I often get the 4-hour treatment. The unfairness of it all is that I work at home and see no one, whereas she works in a bar and is around men constantly. But I can't live without her.
I'm betting you just jinxed yourself. Get ready for dreams overflowing with 400-pound wiener dogs, track-and-field events at Studio 54, and heart-to-heart talks with aliens who morph between Brad Pitt and Wilford Brimley.
Couldn’t stop reading this …. Best parts: the graphic of Betty sashaying her boobies; and that wonderful “fairytale” yet true ending that elevates your wife in such a beautiful way. Loved the whole story!
No one can be blamed for fantasizing about Betty White. That's just nature taking its inevitable course.
Can't argue with this.
I don’t know how jealous your wife could be, she had you knocking boots with Betty White. She could’ve at least hooked you up with someone whose hip you wouldn’t break.
I had a dream the other night I was sitting at a table with Billy Idol. He was reading the paper. I was basically ignoring him. Apparently we were married.
The broken hip comment reminded me of a Betty White joke: "Why do people say, ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things really take a pounding!”
The Billy Idol dream feels like a scene from a David Lynch movie.
The dream was I was sitting at the table with my transistor radio and a Billy Idol song came on. I hear a masculine chuckle and look up to see Billy reading the paper. I say, "Ha that's funny" and go back to what I was doing. Then another Billy Idol song comes on, and I tell him, "You're lucky I like Billy Idol or I'd change the station."... we're definitely married.
That's a high-stakes proposition. Sure, you might end up married to John Prine or Tom Waits, but it could go sideways. You could be sitting across from Marilyn Manson or one of those dudes from Insane Clown Posse.
No matter how much we tell them we love them, they need to test us. Whenever I go to my office in the morning, the door to which I left closed, and the door is open, I know she 's been going through my internet to find incriminating evidence. Even when she finds nothing, I often get the 4-hour treatment. The unfairness of it all is that I work at home and see no one, whereas she works in a bar and is around men constantly. But I can't live without her.
There's a whole novel in this comment. :)
It took me years to stop having those affair dreams. Maybe now that we are in our 60s I have more confidence it won’t happen. Hehe.
Betty White was mean.
Time heals all adulterous dreams.
It's still happening to me at 77.
CK, she was mean? I never heard that.
All of a sudden, I realize how dull my dreams are :D
I'm betting you just jinxed yourself. Get ready for dreams overflowing with 400-pound wiener dogs, track-and-field events at Studio 54, and heart-to-heart talks with aliens who morph between Brad Pitt and Wilford Brimley.
Wait, was that Chuckles the Clown?
Not sure... I try not to get so close to clowns as to learn their names. To that point: https://allkindsoffunny.substack.com/p/send-in-the-clowns
;)
Good stuff!
Couldn’t stop reading this …. Best parts: the graphic of Betty sashaying her boobies; and that wonderful “fairytale” yet true ending that elevates your wife in such a beautiful way. Loved the whole story!
Thanks, Pat! Yeah, my wife's all right. ;)
Hilarious!! I LOVE Betty White! She and Allen Funt had a place south of our cabins off hiway 1!!🥰
That's so fun. Did you ever run into her in town?
No but I would have really loved that!! Probably would’ve made a fool of myself!🤣
I myself have held resentment towards my significant other for a dream. It’s irrational, I’m aware. This was a great read though.
Thanks! Everyone has the right to a little irrationality now and then. ;)
RIP Betty.
Indeed!