True story, Katrin. I've had the stomach flu and a fever the last couple days, and this has made me feel better by a factor of millions. Thanks for reading and for passing it on. I hope you have the loveliest day, week, month... life. :)
I loved Are You There God, It’s me Margaret, when I was a kid, but I’m not prepared to hear Judy Blume talk about masturbation😀 Goddess bless you, you handled that so well. Humour makes everything better!
Reminds me of a similar talk with my then-8-year old kiddo, who had heard the adjective "sexy" at school and slipped it into in a conversation as an indirect plead for context. I explained it wasn't really a good word for kids to use, because it means that something that makes you want to have sex...which has to do with two adults cuddling and kissing. She squinted at me and frowned.
"Is that how babies are made?" She asked me, her blue eyes glancing down at my 7-months-pregnant belly.
"Umm...sometimes its makes a baby. Sometimes... it's just kissing and cuddling with someone you really like."
Silence. (Disgust? Acceptance? I am a chronic over-sharer so I let it go, similar terrifying traumatizing possibilities running through my mind as did in yours, should I continue speaking.)
Five solid minutes later, we turn onto the street we live on and she finally responds, "So, you have me, my sister, and this baby...so you've had sex THREE times?" Asked incredulously, like the mere idea of repeating it SO MUCH seems implausible.
"Umm...yep, yep. Three times."
"Gross," she replied as she got out the car and closed the door.
Ha! "Gross" must be the automatic response for children who've yet to be possessed by hormone monsters. Related, and for reasons I can't explain, we took both our kids to a Chinese restaurant to host the formal birds-and-bees discussion. Pretty much guaranteed that their MSG consumption will be nil for the rest of their lives. Win win.
When I know you better I’ll share a story about my son coming home from 5th grade (10) asking me what a certain sex act was because he’d heard some kid talking about it at school. And there wasn’t another parent in the house, so. Yeah. Good times lol.
I hope you see this comment. Your story reminded me of a similar story, but possibly even cringier.
Both my sons started reading very young at 2 1/2 (both self taught). We let them read whatever they wanted to. So one day, they're both in the car with my husband. My oldest, who was 7, was reading one of the Judy Blume books. An it's partly about a girl getting her period. So my son asks what that is. My husband, much like you, is somewhat mortified but he gives my son a general answer. My son is happy with the info and goes back to reading.
Unfortunately, my then 4 year old has never been content with generalities and kept asking more and more pointed questions. By the end, my husband was wondering if I could do all the driving for the next fifteen years.
I'm beginning to think we might be some kind of weird twins. My sons both taught themselves to read when they were 2 1/2. (My older one did it by looking at the used car circulars from the supermarket. Don't ask.) As a result, they kind of skipped a lot of the normal books for kids their age.
Anyway, they are in the car with dad. I am somewhere else, thankfully, The 7-year-old, A, is reading "Are You There, God? It's Me Margaret?" And then he gets to the part where Margaret gets her period. Well, he has no idea what this is, so he asks my husband. Who is thinking 'why is your mom not here?'. Anyway, he gives a high level answer and A is perfectly happy and goes back to reading.
Unfortunately, Z, the 4-year-old, is not happy with generalizations. So he asks a follow-up question. And another. And another. And much to my husband's everlasting horror, he is soon very much into gory details, because Z is that kind of kid.
There are nuts who want to ban this book, because oh, the horror. It doesn't seem to have harmed mine. The oldest is happily married and the youngest has never been without a girlfriend since the age of 12.
(Although my very favorite birds and bees question is when I was pregnant with Z. Right before I gave birth, A wanted to know how the baby was getting out. I told him the baby would come out through the vagina. He looked at me for about 30 seconds and then proceeded to laugh for 5 minutes straight, because obviously this was the stupidest thing ever. He wasn't wrong.)
We definitely seem to be an echo of each other's lives. Judy Blume should have written a companion piece for fathers who are victims of unfortunate timing. I say that knowing full well that my wife and daughter would slap me upside the head for complaining about timing when they are regularly victims to menstrual timing.
Love that he belly laughed at the thought of vaginal birth. Yeah, he ain't wrong. I saw it in living color twice. And...wow.
Ha. Intelligent design, my ass. I can't tell you how many times I've said those exact words. That said, I always ask doctors, PTs, chiros, EMTs, acupuncturists, massage therapists, etc. and they always say that they're constantly amazed by the body's intelligence. They're a cult of anatomy.
Um, I happen to know Judy Blume and I’m sharing it with her :) !!
PS She just responded: “Fun!” 🥳
True story, Katrin. I've had the stomach flu and a fever the last couple days, and this has made me feel better by a factor of millions. Thanks for reading and for passing it on. I hope you have the loveliest day, week, month... life. :)
Glad you’re feeling better!
Wow.
How great!
Once again, funny and insightful. Also, cringy.
Thanks, Kareem! Funny, insightful, cringy -- that's the sweet spot I was aiming at! :)
I love many things about this, but above all else, the "Share with Judy Blume" button. Chef's kiss
I might have t-shirts made that say "Share with Judy Blume" right above a QR code.
I loved Are You There God, It’s me Margaret, when I was a kid, but I’m not prepared to hear Judy Blume talk about masturbation😀 Goddess bless you, you handled that so well. Humour makes everything better!
Thanks, Bernadette! My wife said I handled it well, too, and to this day, it's one of my favorite compilments I've ever received about anything. :)
"..Judy Blume is lovely and sweet and warm and funny—she’s a flesh-and-blood cashmere sweater."
Love this line! Almost jealous I didn't think of it ;)
Tina, I remember you similarly — lovely and sweet and warm and funny. :)
This is true.
You've written so many good lines, Tina. Hope the words are still flowing.
Haha! Amazing, and so well written too.
Reminds me of a similar talk with my then-8-year old kiddo, who had heard the adjective "sexy" at school and slipped it into in a conversation as an indirect plead for context. I explained it wasn't really a good word for kids to use, because it means that something that makes you want to have sex...which has to do with two adults cuddling and kissing. She squinted at me and frowned.
"Is that how babies are made?" She asked me, her blue eyes glancing down at my 7-months-pregnant belly.
"Umm...sometimes its makes a baby. Sometimes... it's just kissing and cuddling with someone you really like."
Silence. (Disgust? Acceptance? I am a chronic over-sharer so I let it go, similar terrifying traumatizing possibilities running through my mind as did in yours, should I continue speaking.)
Five solid minutes later, we turn onto the street we live on and she finally responds, "So, you have me, my sister, and this baby...so you've had sex THREE times?" Asked incredulously, like the mere idea of repeating it SO MUCH seems implausible.
"Umm...yep, yep. Three times."
"Gross," she replied as she got out the car and closed the door.
Ha! "Gross" must be the automatic response for children who've yet to be possessed by hormone monsters. Related, and for reasons I can't explain, we took both our kids to a Chinese restaurant to host the formal birds-and-bees discussion. Pretty much guaranteed that their MSG consumption will be nil for the rest of their lives. Win win.
Love, love, love this!!
Thanks, Lori! Love, love, love you right back!
When I know you better I’ll share a story about my son coming home from 5th grade (10) asking me what a certain sex act was because he’d heard some kid talking about it at school. And there wasn’t another parent in the house, so. Yeah. Good times lol.
Looking forward to it. :)
Should have said I loved this essay, I was laughing out loud, and I think you handled it perfectly. Even if she did think it was gross haha.
I hope you see this comment. Your story reminded me of a similar story, but possibly even cringier.
Both my sons started reading very young at 2 1/2 (both self taught). We let them read whatever they wanted to. So one day, they're both in the car with my husband. My oldest, who was 7, was reading one of the Judy Blume books. An it's partly about a girl getting her period. So my son asks what that is. My husband, much like you, is somewhat mortified but he gives my son a general answer. My son is happy with the info and goes back to reading.
Unfortunately, my then 4 year old has never been content with generalities and kept asking more and more pointed questions. By the end, my husband was wondering if I could do all the driving for the next fifteen years.
I’m never content with generalities myself.
Also, sounds like your husband and I should start a support group. ;)
Thanks for reading!
I'm beginning to think we might be some kind of weird twins. My sons both taught themselves to read when they were 2 1/2. (My older one did it by looking at the used car circulars from the supermarket. Don't ask.) As a result, they kind of skipped a lot of the normal books for kids their age.
Anyway, they are in the car with dad. I am somewhere else, thankfully, The 7-year-old, A, is reading "Are You There, God? It's Me Margaret?" And then he gets to the part where Margaret gets her period. Well, he has no idea what this is, so he asks my husband. Who is thinking 'why is your mom not here?'. Anyway, he gives a high level answer and A is perfectly happy and goes back to reading.
Unfortunately, Z, the 4-year-old, is not happy with generalizations. So he asks a follow-up question. And another. And another. And much to my husband's everlasting horror, he is soon very much into gory details, because Z is that kind of kid.
There are nuts who want to ban this book, because oh, the horror. It doesn't seem to have harmed mine. The oldest is happily married and the youngest has never been without a girlfriend since the age of 12.
(Although my very favorite birds and bees question is when I was pregnant with Z. Right before I gave birth, A wanted to know how the baby was getting out. I told him the baby would come out through the vagina. He looked at me for about 30 seconds and then proceeded to laugh for 5 minutes straight, because obviously this was the stupidest thing ever. He wasn't wrong.)
We definitely seem to be an echo of each other's lives. Judy Blume should have written a companion piece for fathers who are victims of unfortunate timing. I say that knowing full well that my wife and daughter would slap me upside the head for complaining about timing when they are regularly victims to menstrual timing.
Love that he belly laughed at the thought of vaginal birth. Yeah, he ain't wrong. I saw it in living color twice. And...wow.
I lived the vaginal birth thing, never mind seeing it. Intelligent design, my ass.
Ha. Intelligent design, my ass. I can't tell you how many times I've said those exact words. That said, I always ask doctors, PTs, chiros, EMTs, acupuncturists, massage therapists, etc. and they always say that they're constantly amazed by the body's intelligence. They're a cult of anatomy.
This is all kinds of funny.